A year ago around this time, I remember being so infatuated with someone that i would've done anything for them. I loved them more than I loved myself and that is terrifying to think about. I am living without the one person I thought I could never live without, thriving actually. You always think that things will go the way that they are planned and that is how I was. I was never emotionally ready for anything thrown my way because I was so dependent on this person to be there and be my rock.
So then what happens when your rock decides one day that they don't love you anymore? What then?
That is what my journey was about. I hit rock bottom after that day because I thought that things would never get better and that something as "great" as us would never happen again (hopeless romantic, I know). I could've sat around hating the world and making sure that the other person got the satisfaction of seeing me down but that is not what I wanted. I found out that day that I am way stronger than I thought. I saved myself, for myself and not for the other person this time. I thought over and over and over and over and over multiple times what had happened and what I could've done to keep that person. I thought I wasn't good enough or that I wasn't deserving of what he gave me, but that is all wrong. If some one can lie to your face saying that they care about you and then completely drop you, they are in the wrong sweetheart. No matter how loyal you are, how forgiving you are, how compassionate you are, there is no way in hell you can change someone's bad habits no matter how many times they promise not to do it again. I realized that I am deserving of the type of love that I so willingly give to everybody else. I learned that you can not love someone into loving you and i asked myself why i was holding on to someone who so easily let go. You can love an old version of someone as much as you want, but it will not bring them back. It will not inspire them to treat you as their old self did. Times change as people do too and that is the first step in learning to love yourself. I realized that the past was in the past for a reason so why let it touch me? I can't remember how many ice cream cups I ate that weekend to be honest. I took it upon myself to make that month a month of special transformation in to the new person I wanted to be. I no longer wanted to be a girl that was hung up over a boy or the girl who depended on someone else so I decided to change for the benefit of myself. I gave more of my free time to my family and friends, I cooked more, I started to do things again that i don't even know why i stopped. I didn't go out and throw myself around at other guys or jump into a relationship at first because I wanted to heal myself. I will never not wear my heart on my sleeve because love that fails should not make you bitter. I realized that the person you want is the person you are sometimes better off without! I learned that you can love the old version of someone and still realize that they are different now. I looked at the whole situation as something I would never get over at first. Now, half a year later I am glad that it did happen and I am happy that this person showed me their true colors because I learned a love that is greater than any love you can have for some one else: self love.
To any girl going through a situation like this: please keep going! Do not think it is the end of the world because things do get better. One day you just wake up and realize that you are perfectly okay with out someone that you thought you would never get over. Keep your head up and pass the time by learning to love yourself :)
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